Sleep Training Multiples
Twins… triplets… whatever type of multiples you’ve got – my sincerest respect and empathy goes out to you! Whether you’re a first time parent, or this set of kiddos is coming in later on – you’ve got a LOT on your plate. So you’re definitely superheroes in my book!
Getting a baby to sleep well is a worthwhile and valuable investment for any family, but even more so if your family has multiples. Read on for some considerations and tips for sleep training multiples!
There are a few obvious reasons why teaching multiples how to sleep would be more challenging than doing so with one baby.
If one baby wakes up crying, it’s almost a guarantee that the other one will soon follow suit – and there’s no question that calming two babies at the same time is much harder than just one. And because one crying baby is likely going to wake the other, parents will often rush in quicker to try to soothe and calm that baby back to sleep using whatever means necessary – often leading to some strong sleep associations.
I say all this not to scare you – my goal is always for you to be prepared! Sleep training your babies is 100% doable; it just requires double the determination and double the discipline on your part – which is really nothing new. Just focus on what an absolute game changer this is going to be for your family. In just a bit of time, your parenting burden will be lightened – your little ones will be sleeping through the night and napping at the same time (start thinking about what you can accomplish with ALL that free time!).
With all that out of the way – let’s dive into some strategies that can actually help to maximize your chances for early success with sleep training!
Sleeping Arrangements: In an ideal world, I’d love for each baby to be in their own separate sleeping quarters for the duration of sleep training. It doesn’t have to be a bedroom – a pack n play in an office or closet works just as well. Alternatively, you can keep them together for night sleep and separate for naps. The reasoning for this is that each baby needs to learn sleep at their own pace, and the chances of one crying baby waking up the other is fairly high in the beginning. Separate spaces can allow each baby to learn in their own time without disruption. And this isn’t going to be permanent; it’s just a temporary setup while the babies work on practicing the skill of sleep. Once they’re sleeping well, they can be put back together. Now this isn’t necessary (so don’t sweat it if you have to have them in the same room), but it can make things easier.
Same Schedule: The great thing about multiples is that their sleep needs will be fairly the same, so putting them on the same nap and bedtime schedule will be effective. Now, when I say “fairly the same,” I want you to consider that one baby may have a slightly greater/lesser sleep need than the other.
Here’s a scenario that may come up: Baby A sleeps longer than Baby B. Now this is okay – to a point. I like to set a limit of, at most, 30 minutes before waking up Baby A. This is to prevent them from becoming too out of sync with their nap times. When the next sleep rolls around, ignore the extra 30 minutes and just put them down at the same time.
Adjusted Ages: Pregnancies with multiples typically end in preterm labor, resulting in premature little ones. Often times, these premies do better with an age adjusted schedule. This means you’ll be counting their age from their due date, not from their birthday. What does this look like in practice? If, for example, your little ones are now 6 months old, but they were born 6 weeks early, consider implementing a 4.5 month old nap schedule/wake window.
Resist the Urge to Rush to Pacify: Now this one is a big ask. I know that the tendency with multiples is to rush in when one baby awakens at night and use whatever method works to settle them in order to prevent the other baby from waking up, but I want you to resist that impulse a bit. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t soothe your crying baby – but if your usual response is to quickly go in and offer a feed, pacifier, or rock baby to sleep (or any other prop), then you could be impeding their ability to develop self-soothing skills and learn how to fall asleep. Letting them figure out how to fall asleep on their own is an important part of the process of developing those skills!
What if one baby wakes up for a feed and the other doesn’t? We want to keep the babies on the same schedule, but we also don’t want to interrupt their sleep if we don’t have to. My advice here – unless specifically instructed to offer a feed by their pediatrician, let your baby sleep. If one wakes up for a feed, don’t wake up the other one and offer a feed as well. Sleep can be the priority for now and they can make up the calories during the day.
After a couple fussy nights, you’ll start to notice that as independent sleep skills develop, one crying baby won’t be nearly as likely to wake up their sibling. That’s because they’ll first of all be spending more time in deeper stages of sleep, and when a baby gets into deep sleep – they can sleep through almost anything! Second of all, the more opportunities a baby gets to practice independent sleep skills, the better they get at it – minor disruptions may wake them up but they’ll more easily be able to head back down to sleep.
Another benefit to doing this is that “sleep begets sleep.” Though it may seem counterintuitive, overtiredness fires up production of cortisol within our system, making it harder to get into sleep. So as your babies start sleeping more, like mentioned above, they’ll have an easier time getting to sleep and staying asleep.
White Noise Machine: For reasons we’ve already discussed, a white noise machine can be a godsend for sleep training multiples. While there’s no guarantee that the white noise will drown out one crying baby, preventing the other from waking as a result, it’s worth giving it a shot. Leave one between the cribs (you could also use more – one by each crib, by the door, etc) at an appropriate sound volume.
The next few tips are all about you – timing and mindset.
Planning when to Start: Look into your calendar and try to plan to get started on a night when you don’t have to be up early (or looking your best the next day haha) the following morning. The first night (or two or three) may be rough and you don’t want to have something major happening the day after you begin. I also want you to look a little further into the future and try to make sure that you’ll be able to be home for bedtime (and for as many naps as possible) for at least the next 2 weeks. We want to be as consistent as we can when getting started so try to avoid any birthdays, getaways, or overnight stays.
Commit to the Process: Before you get started, I want you to commit to the process and be consistent with it. I see a lot of families get started and then quit a few nights in because they’re either not seeing results or it’s too hard, or whatever the reason may be. I never said this was an easy process! But I don’t want you to start and then stop as this only leads to confusion in our little ones. It’s okay if you’re not absolutely ready to start right now (I prefer that you be honest with yourself!). Consistency is the key here, so don’t just “give it a try” if you don’t think you’re ready to fully commit.
Final bonus thoughts:
One baby will ALWAYS be harder to sleep train than the other. So don’t let it get to you that one is taking much longer to grasp the concept of independent sleep.
One baby might end up waking the other – it’ll happen, they’ll learn how to deal with it, so you can just get over it ;)
Sleep training will be a lot of work, make no mistake. But I can promise you that it’s so so worth it in the end. And if you need help, I’m here to support you every step of the way once you decide it’s time to get those sweet little ones sleeping through the night. Start by setting up a free 15 minute discovery call to learn more about package options and how we can come up with a plan together to get your entire family sleeping through the night!