Tears at Bedtime
Crying from a baby is never easy for a parent to deal with, and especially not at bedtime.
There are plenty of reasons a baby might be crying - let’s talk about a few of them and what you can do about it!
Scheduling:
An overtired baby has a harder time settling into sleep, whether this baby is sleep trained or not. There are hormones that regulate our body when it's time for us to sleep (melatonin), and if we miss that cue, our body, assuming there is a reason we're not sleeping, pumps out daytime hormones (cortisol) - the exact opposite of what we need for sleep! This makes it so difficult for baby to fall asleep now because their body is not in a space where it can get into sleep, not very easily that is. Take a look at the schedule and see if you can get baby to sleep earlier - sometimes, as little as 15 minutes earlier can make a BIG difference. This problem often arises on days where baby had some really bad naps or was maybe a little over-stimulated (perhaps from too many activities or seeing lots of family). We may think it’s okay to put baby down to sleep at their usual time, but in fact – an early bedtime would serve them so much more! And you as the parent end up with the best of both words – a baby who’s in bed early and a whole night free to yourself.
An undertired baby will also cry, but for the opposite reason. They're just not tired enough!! Putting them into their bed space and expecting them to fall asleep when they're just not ready is plenty reason to cry (I know I would if I was forced to go to bed when I wasn't even tired yet). Once again, this is a scheduling issue. You’ll often experience tears for this reason around the time your baby starts to need more awake time in their day. It typically looks like they’re struggling to fall asleep at bedtime when they hadn’t struggled with this in the past and it’s often because they just need a little more time awake. Start out with 15 minute increments and see how they do!
Energy Release:
Sometimes, babies will cry as a way of releasing some energy. It's like their final protest or way of letting go of some steam before bed. This is especially common after sleep training. You might see that your baby will let out a scream or a couple cries for up to 5 minutes (any more than that, and it’s unlikely their tears are due to this). And if everything else checks out (they're not hungry, their diaper is cleaned, they're not uncomfortable, etc), then you can assume that it's just about getting that last scream out. There isn't much to do about this unfortunately. Some babies do grow out of it though!
Just Doesn’t Know How:
A baby who does not know how to fall asleep on their own will also cry if left to fall asleep independently. They simply don't know how to do it on their own, so of course they’re going to express that fact to you by crying! Your options here are to either help them fall asleep somehow (rocking, nursing, patting, etc) or sleep train so that they can learn how to do it by themselves. Now this latter option won't necessarily be cry-free either. Whenever any change is made in baby's life, we expect them to have some feelings about it. But if you have a plan for how to approach sleep training, you can minimize the tears and get through the process much quicker!
Babies, Not Robots:
Let's be real - babies are not robots. Just because they know how to fall asleep does not mean they'll be able to do it anywhere anytime you need them to. Try to put them down to sleep in a different place and they may have a hard time adjusting. Give them grace! Imagine for yourself if you had to fall asleep anywhere but your own bed... in an airplane, in someone else’s house, in the car, etc. How comfortable is it for you? How easily do you knock out? In those times, try to make their sleep space as similar to home as possible. Keep being consistent, but don't help them fall asleep! Your job is to offer comfort; baby’s job is to fall asleep!
One of the greatest benefits of sleep training is that you come to know what your baby’s baseline is. They always go to sleep without a struggle, but suddenly they’re crying – you know something has to be up! I have no explanation for why this is happening (everyone, including us adults, have off days!), but what can you do about it? Go in and check on baby and see what’s going on. This has happened with Asher a few times and when it does, I’ll go in, give him some extra love, and maybe stay with him for an extra few minutes. I may not discover what’s bothering him, but I’m there to comfort him, and when I leave, he usually ends up falling asleep shortly thereafter.
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Try out the tips I shared here and see if any of them can make a difference in your home. And if you’re still struggling, let’s set up a free 15 minute discovery call so we can get to the bottom of this mystery and make a plan for how to get your entire family sleeping through the night!