Fear of the Dark
Fear of the Dark
Being scared of the dark is usually something that can start to show up around a child's second birthday. As the mind of a toddler begins to mature, memory gets longer and imagination has a chance to develop. They've almost certainly fallen on the playground or had some other kind of 'traumatic' incident occur by this point, so they are aware that there are things in the world that can hurt them. And maybe they've even seen some movies or been read some books that touch on spooky or eerie elements (even if they are geared to children).
As adults, we are experienced enough to recognize that the darkness is not inherently dangerous (although you stepping onto some little toys like Legos might leave you arguing the contrary). But for a toddler, there is no history to draw on to assure them they are safe and secure after the lights go out.
So my first, and most important, piece of advice when you're addressing your little one's fear of the dark - don't just dismiss it.
This can be a tricky situation to navigate. On the one hand, we for sure want to show empathy and understanding when something frightens our kids. On the other hand, we don't want to add fuel to the fire.
This is why I'm not a fan of "monster repellent" or nightly closet checks. Consider this scenario: You're concerned (rationally or not) that there is an intruder in your home. You mention it to your spouse, who hands you a can of pepper spray and looks around the room, and then says, "Nope, I don't see anything suspicious. Anyways, I'm heading out for the night; good night!"
You may not divorce them on the spot, but you'd strongly consider it, no? (lol)
So when we tell our kids, "I checked, and there are no monsters here, so don't worry - you're good," it's not nearly as soothing as you might think.
Besides, you don't want to feed into the idea that there is something scary that could exist in their sleep space. You may end up placing yourself into a situation where you'll have to do this check every night, but even worse, you may end up leaving your child laying there with actual cause for worry. "What if Mom did do a check, but she didn't look thoroughly enough?" "Or what if the monsters only come into the room once Mom leaves me?"
So that covers what I consider to be the wrong way to handle the situation. Now let's get into my advice on the right way...
As I was saying earlier, dismissing your little one's fears as irrational or unfounded isn't all that helpful, so instead - ask some questions when they express a fear of the dark. Digging into their concerns is helpful in a couple of ways. It lets them know that you're taking them seriously, which is very reassuring. It also helps you to assess what it is about the darkness that frightens them and can help you to address that specifically.
For example, if they tell you they are seeing things moving around the room, it might be caused by shadows. Headlights from cars driving by can often shine enough light through curtains or blinds to throw shadows across the room. Coupled with a toddler's imagination, that can create some seriously intimidating scenes. In that situation, a nightlight or some blackout blinds can prove to be a quick and effective solution.
Obviously, this is a bit of an idealistic scenario. Getting a clear and concise answer from a toddler is as tricky as it gets. So you will likely have to do a lot more work and digging around to figure out the obscure information you're getting from them. But you're showing concern, and that goes a long way here.
For toddlers, bedtime is the only time of the day that they are really left alone. Every other point of the day, they are playing with friends/siblings, hanging close to their parents, or being supervised in some way by a grown-up. Bedtime is also the only time they are exposed to darkness, so you can see how the two things could easily cause some anxiety.
Another great (and fun) way to ease some of that apprehension is to spend some time together in the dark. Reading books under a blanket with a dim flashlight is a great activity. Some hide and seek with the lights out is tons of fun as well (just as long as there are no tripping hazards in the way). Shadow puppets is another great activity.
The idea isn't for it to be pitch black. We just want to create some positive associations with low-light situations. Do a quick Google search and I'm sure you'll come upon a lot more ideas of activities to do in the dark.
One last tip - turning down the lights gradually as your little one's bedtime approaches is a good way to ease them into a dark setting. As a bonus, this also helps stimulate melatonin production which will help get them to sleep easier. Two birds, one stone
None of this is going to be an overnight fix, but stay calm, respectful and consistent. After your little one's fears have been addressed and they've learned that the darkness is more fun than scary, you'll start seeing easier bedtimes, more consolidated sleep, and less midnight visitors!
As a side note (and the actual last tip (: ) - if you do plan to use a nightlight, make sure it's a warm color - red or amber are great. Blue lights may look soothing but they stimulate cortisol production, which is the last thing you want at bedtime!