When Can I Make Exceptions?

One of my biggest rules for parents during the sleep training process is to remain consistent. Whether it’s about the bedtime routine, where baby is sleeping, or what the consequences will be for leaving the room at night, consistency is absolutely essential to regular nights of quality sleep.

But, I’m well aware that life doesn’t always allow us to stick to our usual routines; an occasional curve ball can often get thrown your way. Special occasions, family events, and even an emergency can create opportunities for exceptions to be made and for your little one to stay up past their bedtime or miss a nap.

So when can you make exceptions?

First off, I would advise against making any changes too early into sleep training. If you just started this process within the last two weeks, don’t pick this moment to go on a trip or stay overnight at someone else’s house. Once you’ve had about a month of really solid, quality nights, and naps have come together, then you can start playing around with the rules.

And how often can you play around with the rules? I like to stick to the 80-20 rule. If you can be consistent 80% of the time, then it’s okay if 20% of the time you’re not.

As a side note – one way I like to explain it to my clients: There are 21 opportunities in a given week (if on a 2 nap schedule) for you to be consistent with your little ones sleeps – “messing” up for 1 nap, or 2 days worth of sleeps won’t derail them, especially if you get right back into your usual routine right after.

So if you’re visiting family or friends, and you let your kiddo stay up late or skip a nap, maybe they’ll be a handful for the rest of the day or the next day. Or maybe they’ll be totally fine.

Your ability to make exceptions will also depend on your kid – how easily they adapt to changes in routine. Some children are quite good at dealing with changes in their schedule, whereas others really get thrown for a loop for the next few days if they so much as go down late for a nap. Which type of kid do you have?

And at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, if whatever you want to do or wherever you want to go is worth it.

I feel like it may sound as if I’m condemning parents and their babies to a lifetime of repetition. But no – in fact, I want you to be able to have enjoy new experiences and life with your child who is capable of sleeping. One of the best things about a sleep trained baby is that they can actually be fairly adaptable because sleep is internal.

And so with that I would like to add another piece of advice when it comes to breaking the rules – to actually bend them instead.

If you’re going to be at a friend’s house when baby should be napping, consider bringing along a pack n play or make sure to have the stroller there so there’s at least somewhere for baby to lay down when it is time to sleep. If you will be driving, try to time it around nap time so that baby can sleep in the car. It’s not ideal, and it isn’t comparable in quality to sleeping in their crib, but it’s better than skipping it altogether.

Just remember that overtiredness can really cause quite a struggle at bedtime. Overtired kids have a harder time falling asleep, and tend to have frequent nighttime wake ups, which can lead to more overtiredness – creating a perpetual cycle of overtiredness which you really don’t want to get into.

So you’re ultimately the only one who can decide when it’s okay to break the rules. If you feel like your little one can handle it, then go for it. If not, then play it safe. As they get older, you’ll find that they’re often more accepting of changes in the schedule, but developing them into champion sleepers in the early months/years can go a long way towards that goal.