Taking Back Your Bed
Before my son was born, I definitely had an idyllic vision of parenthood. I’d wake peacefully in the morning with him snuggled between my husband and I. He’d be the best-behaved child, always doing and behaving and acting like I needed him to, and everyone would make a positive remark about what a great job we did as parents, and what’s the secret? He’d never get sick, and would always eat properly and on time, and life would just be easy and perfect…
Except that’s not reality by any means lol.
Especially not the part about sleep…
The reality is (and I didn’t know this!), babies move around. A. LOT. And they can also make a lot of noise. (So much for my peaceful mornings!)
And you know what else, babies have no respect for your personal space, or the fact that you’re still trying to get some sleep, or the fact that you don’t like being woken up by having a tiny finger jammed up your nose or a smack on the face with their tiny palms.
I personally experience this whenever I bring him into bed with me in the mornings because I just want a little more sleep or if I’m ever laying on the living room floor (neither of which are good ideas though because Asher likes to pull hair and grab people’s noses).
But maybe you actually share your bed all night with your little one…
And now you’re in a position where you’ve decided it’s time to reclaim your bed (awesome decision in my opinion). But baby is probably fairly accustomed to sleeping next to you… so this change is definitely not happening without a little bit of protest.
Here are a couple of helpful hints that may ease the transition!
First off, set your expectations low and prepare for resistance. Nobody reacts well to changes in their sleep routine, so there will almost certainly be some push-back. If your little one is able to climb out of their room, expect what will likely be a frequent midnight visitor attempting to climb back into bed with you.
If this happens, don’t get upset (remember to set the bar low). Keep your cool and walk them back into their room. Explain that they’re not allowed to sleep in your bed anymore and let them know what the consequence will be if they do it again. (A great consequence for this is closing their bedroom door for a minute or two if they leave the room. I’ve had several clients use it and it has been pretty effective!)
On the other side of things, you might consider setting up a reward program for the nights that go well. A treat or sticker on the calendar can be a great incentive, but keep the time window for when they receive their reward short. Kids have a hard time understanding rewards if they’re expected to maintain a behavior for a full week, so daily rewards usually work best.
Another great tip is to break up the skills you want your child to accomplish – reward them for not coming out of their room at all during bedtime, for not coming into your bed in the middle of the night, for calling you but not leaving his bed, for staying in their bed the entire night, etc. Reward them for each little success!
The other way to soften the blow of moving your little one into their own room is to stay in their room with them for a few nights while the change is being made. Here’s where we have to be really careful though to avoid creating any new sleep associations. Don’t rock them to sleep or engage with them while they’re drifting off, but feel free to sleep in the room for 1-2 nights, and to then sit in a chair while they’re falling asleep so they can see you there. Remember that you do have to gradually work your way out of the room, or else you’ve traded in one prop for another.
Chances are, regardless of what strategy you choose, there will be crying involved. BUT, once your baby gets the hang of sleeping in their own room, your whole family can look forward to much more restful nights, and far fewer wake ups from an unintentional kick to the face.